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To start today’s post on a bit of a downer: Isolation has a bit of a habit of sneaking up on me when I least expect it. I don't actually know anyone where I live and all my friends are 100+ miles away. I have two best friends who are more like the sisters I never had and who I've lived with for 2 years at uni. One of them is in Australia for 'up to' a year and the other one is buggering off to Peru or some such place for about 6 months in a week or so, and I've not seen either of them for months as it is - Time zones make things just that little bit harder.

I realised yesterday, that aside from my parents and the lady behind the counter in the art shop, I've not actually had any physical human to human contact (msn and phone doesn't count) for over a month, and it's really starting to get to me a bit.

I wrote to Alec Egan the other week, whose work I absolutely love - it's pretty dark and really makes me think. You should definitely check him out (www.alecegan.com) . He's not much older than me- about 2 years, so I asked if he had any words of wisdom for someone, like me, who is just starting out. He's a really nice guy, from what I picked up from his reply. Anyone who knows me will know that I judge people extremely fast, and I’m right 99% of the time. He’s very earthed and very smart. (This is going somewhere, I promise) and in his reply, he included a short list of important things to know/do. Here it is:

1) surround yourself with people who support you
2) it is often a lonely profession but a great one
3) time and space are very important
4) if you are not willing to take risks and stand behind them you probably wont make it


3 and 4 are already been/being achieved. I have nothing but time... space is a little tricky at the moment, but I'm working on it

2 is just beginning to hit home. I have to remind myself why I'm doing this sometimes. If I work hard now, it'll pay off in the future. Other people work hard too - I know they're in offices and surrounded by people, but you can be surrounded by people and still be alone in the crowd. They're working so hard to get in and get on that they lose track of life and doing the things they enjoy, and work so long that they don't have time to do the things that make them happy.

One of my exes sold his soul to a corporation aged 21. After a year, his work was his life. Weekends weren't to be enjoyed, they were two days where he had a list of things that he had to tick off 'get suit to laundry. Pick up food. Do banking. Buy new shirt. Buy cufflinks. See girlfriend." I never want my life to be a list of things that need to be ticked off. Happiness and freedom are not things I’m willing to sacrifice.

Every time now, when I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and defeated by this thing, I think of those four points and it gives me a little boost - a little nudge to remind me why I'm doing this and to not give up.

I'm monologuing now so I'm just going to cut straight to the point I was going to make at the beginning of this thing: I'm going to stay with a friend's family in the country for a few days next week. They're like another family to me. It'll be good to be surrounded by people and animals and fresh air and wide open spaces for a change. It'll also do me good to get out of my head for a while and have a change of scenery - being cooped up in my room all day on my own is really giving me serious cabin fever. There's a place I'm thinking we (his mum and I) could go - I can't remember the name of it, but it's on the coast and it's the most bizarre landscape - totally desolate, kind of like there's been an apocalypse or something, with just a few little huts- i mean as in actual huts - tiny little shed-like wooden buildings where people actually live! and rotting fishing boats and a lighthouse. Last time we went it was in November and bitterly cold and overcast.. It was so eerie - you could feel the net curtains twitching and my vivid imagination was going bezerk, imagining salivating creatures inside who eat tourists. Great for a painting.

Here's the Brando I did yesterday:

Marlon Brando by ~Tashlentine on deviantART